He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
