Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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