I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
