A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
