my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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