If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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