She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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