I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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