went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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