i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
