I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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