I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
