i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
