Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
