I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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