All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
