Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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