This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
