We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
