Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
