You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
