sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
