I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
