You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
