States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
