I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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