Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
