Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MIDGETS
????
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
