You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
