You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
