If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
