sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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