I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
