he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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