we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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