Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
