How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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