The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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