I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
