$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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