there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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