moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
