i'm lost and i look like a hooker
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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