I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
