it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
