literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
