I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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