Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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