maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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