my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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