so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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